Tuesday, May 3

2 month hiatus

In some ways it seems longer than that. Facebook has filled my desire to "share" things worth sharing. I don't necessarily like that though. I don't take the time to flesh out my thoughts on topics the way I used to here. But, then again, I haven't really wrote an "opinion" piece in quite some time - even on here. The last time I shared my personal thoughts was August 10th, 2010.

Lately a lot of my "learning experience" have centered around Bridget, and watching her interact with a world that is full of new and different. The concept of our depravity is starkly apparent in a developing child. She wants what she wants when she wants it, and if she doesn't get it soon enough she will continue to make things difficult as she expresses her displeasure.

My first reaction is "where does this come from?", but I know where it comes from. Ephesians 2:3 says "among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind."

Already, at 6+ months old, she is expressing her desire to control her world - to be master of her reality - to dictate as she sees best. And do you know why it's so hard to be patient, loving, and graceful towards her? Because my heart is bent the same way. When she wants fed NOW, my heart can get frustrated, because I want to read my magazine now. When she needs to go home and go bed, I can get frustrated because I was in the middle of a good conversation with friends. When she wants attention, I can get frustrated because I just want to eat my supper and talk to my wife about the day.

I get frustrated and annoyed because she is imposing on my will. She is dictating to me how things should go, and as her father, I have a responsibility to bend to her needs. I have a responsibility to put her first. My flesh rebels against that. I want to be sovereign in my kingdom. I want to say what we'll do and when we'll do it. My flesh is selfish and self-fulfilling.

The beautiful thing about it all is that God, in His mercy and grace, is using Bridget to show me my heart. He's using Bridget to mold and shape my thoughts and my desires. He's using Bridget to bring me to my knees before Him in a new recognition that I can't be who He calls me to be. Similar to how Bridget doesn't have the capacity as a 6 month old to be what we ask of her. Physically she could do it, but morally she doesn't have the capacity to be selfless, patient, and kind. Physically I have the capability to always respond in a Christ-like manner. I have the physically ability to be thankful for all things. I have the physical ability to show love in response to hurt. Yet I oftentimes don't respond as I should.

I need Jesus. I will never not need Jesus. I'm thankful that He is faithful to keep bringing circumstances into my life which drive me back to the cross and to the truth that my sin is taken care of. It's finished. It's covered. I'm covered. Christ has imputed His righteousness to my account. I can boldly approach the throne of Grace.

I'm so thankful that the Father of Lights saw fit to breathe this little light into my life. As He calls me to be His tool in shaping Bridget's soul, He is in turn, using Bridget to shape me more into the likeness of Christ. For that I rejoice.

Is it easy? No.

Is it always fun? No.

Is it beautiful? It doesn't always feel like it when you're in the moment, but yet it is beautiful. It's beautiful in the ways that it perfectly illustrates different aspects of the character of God. Like a cut and polished diamond as you turn it over in the light and the different points of light sparkle and shine off the different facets of the stone. God's character is perfectly displayed by His sovereign balance of justice and mercy - grace and wrath.

I'm thankful for the tools that God has used in my life to help shape and mold me.

I'm thankful that I can be confident that He will continue His work in spite of me.

May we all do well to dwell more on the sovereignty of our Master as we encounter life in all it's ups, downs, and sideways. Let's remember that He is on the stage for His glory.

1 comment:

ercwttmn said...

always enjoy you're writing...glad to have you back from the hiatus.