Have you ever had one of those experiences where you think you have things under control; you think you have a handle on things, and then something happens to make you realize you don't?It seems I struggle time and time again with reducing God to a methodology. If I just do 'A', 'B', and 'C', then I'll get a Godly result. I become so focused on doing the "correct thing" that I allow my relationship with Christ to fade into the background. I forget the law of Love. I forget total surrender. I begin to think that I've got it figured out. I think that I have a grip on the situation.
Then time and time again God gently shakes me and says "Wake up. Wake up from this place where you're alienating yourself from our relationship."
It's so easy to get my eyes focused on this horizontal plane of living life. I forget to look up. I forget to focus on the cross and on the empty tomb. I forget that this world is not my home. It doesn't happen overnight. The forgetting is a slow process. And you know what? It usually happens when things are going well for me. When the decisions I make are turning out "good" for me.
And then when it all implodes, that's when I see myself for what I am. That's when I begin to grasp my size compared to the Almighty God of the Universe, and I am humbled. Once again I come crawling back, and once again I feel His love, forgiveness, hope, and tenderness all over again. And I am thankful.
All praise be to the one who saw fit to come and take the form of wretched man in order to communicate to them His love and compassion!
5 comments:
Yes, God's patience is great. Thank you for the reminder to keep our thoughts and heart devoted to Christ.
you know, it seems that you have a way of saying what i wish i could, today has been hard in many ways and i have come to realize many things as well, you say it in ways i wish i could, but as long as i understand i think thats all that matters. This part is what really grabbed me...""Then time and time again God gently shakes me and says "Wake up. Wake up from this place where you're alienating yourself from our relationship."".....And then when it all implodes, that's when I see myself for what I am. That's when I begin to grasp my size compared to the Almighty God of the Universe, and I am humbled. Once again I come crawling back, and once again I feel His love, forgiveness, hope, and tenderness all over again. And I am thankful"
i realized that i am tying too hard to fit in with people that i shouldnt even be around, and i am trying too hard to keep those around me that are here now, in the process i lose it all, i push the people i care about way, i end up lonely and wonder why. i have come to realize, at least for now, that i am ment to be alone, not trying to fit in to groups that arent right for me, and i need to take care of myself before i can bring anyone else in to my life. i always thought it would be easier to have someone around to "help" me get where i need to be, but i found that is the worst thing to think, all i need is God. I do think i have it all figured out, as soon as i have that feeling my world falls apart, HIS way of saying wake up, its ME you need not anyone else, thats not to say friends and family are worthless, just means that you cant expect them to give you the feeling God can. Up til this last week i have been fine for the most part, but then life came crashing down on me, i started to feel like i should give up, but i am not a quiter, in fact i am too stuborn to give up, but there has to be a better way to go about my life than i am now. I posted on other sites i feel like i am drowning and no matter what i do is good enough, i do feel that way right now due to the fact that all week my dad has been here visiting and he has been fighting with me, i am 27 and have been on my own since i was 17, i have been homeless and in many other bad situations, but have managed to get where i am now, but he always makes me feel like i am a child incapable of making my own decisons. he has complained since day one, about the color of paint on my walls, my furniture, the fact i have cable and nothing he likes is on, the list goes on, but the worst part is he tells me what to do in my own home, or i am not doing in right, or whatever, i have always had weight issues and he has said many things about it in the week he has been here, like i didnt NEED the bacon he cooked, i should have said to him you dont need the cigerettes he smokes non stop from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed. Sorry for venting but right now i am lost in my thoughts of what i should/need to do. I have talked to him told him that i didnt think it was right for him to treat me like that and he gets all sarcastic and then says i am incapiable of understanding others. He is a guest in MY home, i request that EVERYONE not to smoke in my house, he says.. i am your dad i will smoke in here if i want to.. so he goes against my wishes, i cant be around smoke so since monday i have been sick plus i have a tooth that needs to be pulled and i havent been feeling well otherwise. I am to the point of YELLING get out of my house and never come back! i wish things were easier but they are what they are, i will never understand why things always seem to be going badly for me, i am proud of what i have, since in the last 9 months or so i have accomplished many things, i am no longer living in my car, i dont have a car right now actually, but i have pretty much everything i need. i am proud of the things i own, it may not be much, some may not be new, but at least i have a home and as far as i know i am healthy. God is patient, but i am not, i hope HE helps me with that. amoung other things.. Well thank you for letting me use your space to vent.. God Bless!
Michelle:
I'm glad to hear that you're growing in your spiritual walk. Keep seeking out sound Bible teachers (radio, church, tv, etc..) and keep reading it for yourself and studying it for yourself. And keep praying! Make Christ an integral part of your day.
God Bless.
well put post... *retain, retain*
So true its scary. I am in that exact situation i could see myself in it as i was reading the post. Now i need to get back to the Lord before He has to shake my tree.
thank Luke,
Byron
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