Tuesday, January 17

Gender Specific ATM Directions


The following joke is stereotypical and in no way reflects my opinion of women. I love the fact that God saw fit to make males and females so differently! With that said, I still find it amusing.

Male vs Female ATM Procedures
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
UPDATE:5A. Check Balance in account.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re -empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

29 comments:

Darlene Schacht said...

That describes me to a T. I often tell my husband that for some reason he runs errands quicker than I do. Now I realize why. :)

Luke said...

*sigh of relief*

Whew...well, I'm breathing a little easier now. The first two female comments have been positive. :)

Luke said...

Oh, and welcome Darlene!

Luke said...

You sure can! Ask Jake G. ;)

Paul said...

Jake... Jake... Jake... I love that guy

Jenny said...

Hmm...I've never had problems with drive ups. But I do feel pretty dorky manually rolling down my car windows...ah well.

Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

My mother used the same rutine at mail drop, she actually found a way to remove a step. Step 3 went something like this: Place van in park, roll window down halfway, realize your arm is to short to reach, open door to remove exposed half of window as it hits the mail box, deposit mail.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHHA!!! i just laughed REALLY loud in the middle of the computer lab at school. that is so freaking funny, and *SADLY* true.
all they left out was the fact that every woman i know ALWAYS checks all the balances in thier accounts before withdraweling money.
love this post, luke! :)

JakeGman said...

HA!! That is the truth!

And no I don't argue the truth...only things that are not true...and I am always right...thus stating the truth! :)

JG <><

Luke said...

Jake: I love you man!

Cheryl: Do people look at you strange when you laugh in the middle of the computer lab? :)

Anonymous said...

shouldn't 5A be more like 12B?

Luke said...

hmmm....I don't know... are you a girl or a guy? I very well could've screwed up the order since I really don't know how these things work. Maybe Cheryl knows.

Stephanie said...

hahahahahaha that's AWESOME!!! lol!

So very true!

Luke said...

That depends on how you would check the balance of your account. I just grab the receipt when I'm done getting my money and it tells me how much is left, but if you actually wrote down all your transactions in your check register, you could look there to find your balance right?

So the question is...how do they check their balance?

Anonymous said...

I'm a girl.
I don't follow that order at all; I don't even use ATM's, so I'm no expert. But, doesn't it only make sense that you have to put in your card and PIN in order to check the balance of your account?

Kristi said...

So, I'm going to be honest with you, at first I was a little offended and was shocked you would post such a thing, then I went on to read more and I started cracking up because ok I guess it's true. I laughed extremely hard when it said reverse to get your card... definately done that. So, I'm not offended anymore. It was hilarious.

Luke said...

Ok, that's really weird. I posted my comment about how they check their balance after anonymous wrote about how it only makes sense to put your card and pin in to check the balance...and then blogspot posted my comment before hers. Weird.

Luke said...

Kristi: I'm glad you ended up finding it funny. I really hope I don't offend anyone with this.

Anonymous said...

True, they could just check their check register. I didn't think of that option (I don't exactly keep a check register, either).

Sorry, Luke, I know you dislike anonymous commenters. But you've probably figured out who I am, so what's the point of signing my name now?

Luke said...

How would've I figured out who you are? I have no clue.

Tifani said...

That's a bunch of malarky...pooey on you for posting that

Luke said...

Funny Tif...you're the only girl who didn't seem to find it at least amusing.

Luke said...

Kristi: I'm sure you won't have to dig very far to find faults that guys have. We have plenty that are glaringly obvious. :) Good luck diggin'

Heather: Wow...looked for your keys while your car was running? Definitely a blond moment eh? :)

Luke said...

Kristi: Sorry, you asked the wrong guy about this one. I don't get it either. I guess filth just doesn't bother them, so why put in the extra effort to get rid of it?

Luke said...

Whoa now...careful. Most of the time their mothers have little to do with it. :) Do you do everything your mother taught you?

Luke said...

I'm sure you do pick up after yourself, but do you do everything your mother taught you?

Luke said...

Kristi: It wasn't supposed to be a trick question. My point was that you shouldn't blame their mothers for "not teaching them". A lot of mothers do teach them, and they still don't do it. I wasn't trying to trick you into anything. Just saying don't blame the mother for the sons problems eh? :)

And I don't think you've critized God's creation.

Whistle Britches said...

luke you'd better watch out for this one.......!!!

Anon said...

sorry, Luke

sometimes I like to go as "Anonymous"
not really intentionally -- it sort of just happens