Jack Handy Quotes

I love these. Totally my kind of humor. Leave a comment, vote for your favorite one. Or maybe you hate them all, I don't know.

1. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
   --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
   
   
2. I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
   --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
   
   
3. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
   --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
   
   
4. Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
   --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
   
   
5. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
   --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
   
   
6. Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
   --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
   
   
7. As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
   --Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
   

And now...to end this post on a more solemn note. Here's a quote from someone infinitely more important than good 'ol Jack.

From Matthew 5:44
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
--Jesus

Have you ever concentrated on accomplishing this? Wow...talk about fighting against the flesh. This would be the epitome of selflessness.

Update! Number 7 has four votes, but the voting is kinda spread out. I love finding out what other people find funny. :) Keep voting!