Touched

Congratulations to Rosie and Micah. May God richly bless their relationship, and may they keep their focus on Him!!

This is a long post because I copy/pasted a story I received via email. So, as I sit in my room on a this Sunday night...tears rolling down my cheeks, I have such a love for Christ in my heart that I feel I could burst open. And then I get this picture of a little girl kneeling and praying by her bed...and...man...I need a hug.

I'm alone in my house right now. I just got back from Toffee's baptism weekend, which was absolutely amazing, and my parents aren't back from Sabetha yet. Loneliness is my affliction tonight. I knew it would be though, so at least I'm not surprised. I was blessed to have Sarah and Erin Hodel ride back with me from Taylor. It was a lot of fun. I have a lot of respect for those two. I'm glad they decided to bless me with their presence. I wasn't looking forward to the ride back alone. Between "potty stops", Dairy Queen, Gum/salty stuff stops, and Josh Groban, I really enjoyed the trip. I hope they did too.

Well, here's the story. In my already lonely state, and coming off the weekend with my heart already full...brought me to tears. I hope it touches you.


The Room...In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the qualityof shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willingto test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell onmy knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

No Free Weekends

Well, I just got my 7 spot filled up I do believe there is going to be testimonies and baptisms that weekend in Roanoke. Not 100% sure yet though, since it hasn't been "officially" announced yet. :) I love it!!

Btw..anyone who cares, I went to ISU bible study tonight. It was about "our" place in the body of Christ. Denny Hoffman gave it, and it was wonderful. He did a great job of personalizing the disciples and Jesus. He talked about how all the disciples were so different, and yet they all had their place. It was inspiring.

Then afterwards a handful of us went to Janelle Bluniers. She has a nice place, and she was a wonderful hostess. I rode to Bloomington with Jake Gerst and Maks. It is now midnight and I really need to sleep.

Ahhh...Health

*deep sigh* I feel better. My sickness is officially behind me.

Yesterday was a busy day at work. I was working in preliminary heating and cooling loads for a school, and for the new AC Nursing Home in Morton. I like busy day's. They go so much faster.

Last night I went to church in Roanoke. They had exhortation for communion. Tom Hoffman (their elder) has such a soft way of coming across. I had a good talk with Wayne Leman after church too. We talked about my decision in choosing a church, and about Gods will. Wayne seems to be a really neat guy with a lot of spiritual focus. Then after church a bunch of people went over to Erin Hodels for brownies and ice cream. I hung out there until around 11.

Tonight is ISU bible study. I haven't decided yet if I'm going or not. I should. I still have to pack though, and with being sick Monday and Tuesday, I didn't get anything done at home. So, I have plenty of stuff to do if I don't go. We'll see I guess.

Friday afternoon I'm heading to Taylor for...(drumroll please).....TOFFEE'S BAPTISM! I'm excited. I'm hoping some of the KS people come on Friday night. From here on out, my weekends are booked until the last weekend in April, with only one weekend free. Whoohoo, I love the single life. :)

1. Toffee's Baptism
2. TX Weekend with K-State
3. Bluffton
4. Easter
5. College Weekend! (Alan's Back!)
6. White House farewell singing (Hosted by themselves)
7. Free
8. Roanoke Invite-a-friend (or friends) KS people, you're all officially invited. Please spread the word!

There's my weekend life.

Well folks, I'd better get to work sizing intake and exhaust louvers for the AC home. :) Architect wants to get elevations done. Have a wonderfully stupendously fabulous day.............or something like it.

Somebody's got a case of the Tuesdays!

Yep, still me. My head's worse this morning despite 11 hrs of sleep last night. I've consumed many more drugs though, so the symptoms are lessening. And in case Michelle reads this, yes I took zinc! I'm staying busy at work though, so I don't want to use up personal time on being sick. Dumb sickness.

I've been running heating and cooling loads for the Apostolic Nursing Home that Morton is going to build. It's kind of neat to be able to work on a project that hits close to home. I'm excited for it to start being built! Hopefully I'll get lots of site visits.

I have nothing to say since pretty much all I've done since my last blog is sleep. I hope you have a great Tuesday...and well...if you don't read this until some other day, I hope your next Tuesday is a great one!

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

And it's me. I'm a sick kid. I went to bed last night with a runny nose. Woke up this morning with a stuffy head, a runny nose, watery eyes, and cold. So, now I'm at work trying to be productive. Well, not right now, I'm on my lunch break.

I got to see Alan Banwart yesterday. He was at church in Bloomington making his way out to Washington D.C. After church we went shopping for awhile before he took of on the next leg of his journey. I bought two shirts and two ties. I think I'm going to take back some of them though. I think I need a girl to go shopping with me. If there are any volunteers out there let me know.

I should really just go home and sleep this afternoon. That's the whole reason I got sick in the first place. I've gotten way behind on my sleep. Silly me.

For those of you who know her or care, Katie Ringger got engaged Sunday to a guy who I didn't know and don't remember where he's from. Sorry. Actually...I think he's from Indianapolis...works for a landscaping company there.

Well, it's back to psuedo-work for me.

A Few Days Past

I'm at home on a Saturday afternoon. Wow....I'm at home on a Saturday afternoon. I wish I wasn't. I have nothing against home, but there are other places where I would love to be right now. I was going to be in Elgin with some K-State people, but they backed out 2 days ago. I could be in Kansas City, but I was planning on going to Elgin. So, yeah. I'm at home on a Saturday afternoon.

Things in my life since my last post:

1. Watched the Manchurian Candidate. It was alright...maybe 2 stars.
2. Wednesday night church in Washington.
3. Got a paycheck. (very cool)
4. Thursday night Bible study at ISU with Earl Ringger. It was a character study on Elijah.
5. Met an Englishman named Paul. (I think his name was Paul)
6. Friday night Bible study with Roanoke at Ryan Lugenbuhls over financial stewardship.
7. Sat in Kirby Lemans hot tub. (heck yeah)
8. Re-told Eric Knochels story about feeding deer salami wrapper to cats. For those who are wondering, deer salami wrapper is indigestible......and causes constipation, and that's all I'm saying.
9. Went to Peoria and bought a shirt and tie. After getting it home, I decided I don't like the tie with my suit.
10. Swept out my car.

Crazily exciting huh? Yeah, I know. I hope this didn't invoke anyone to jealousy.

I think I'm going to take a nap.

The Morning After

Well, I survived. 18 kids ranging in age from 4-17 were at my house for 3 1/2 hrs last night. The house was still vibrating 2 hrs after they left. :) No, actually they were a lot of fun. Mom had me pick up pizza for supper. We all ate downstairs. Mom had little gift bags for all the kids with a memory verse written on them. Then after supper all the kids had to tell a story about the most scary thing they could remember happening to them. Mom had 10 questions to ask everyone, but we barely got through two of them. It was cute listening to the different stories and the different level of story telling ability. Some of the younger ones wouldn't even talk, and some of the older ones got extremely into their stories. A lot of them had more than one story, and you could hardly shut them off to get to the next one! :) There were stories of car accidents, being scared by siblings, scary parts of movies, and being scared of noises in the dark. The second question was "What did you learn in Sunday School this past Sunday?" For the people reading this: Can you remember what the sermon was on? :)

Shari gave me a valentine too!! It's such a beautiful picture of her. :) It's a silver frame with a valentines border, and Shari is making a really goofy face in the picture. I'll cherish it forever. Shari also got my mom and dad a rose inside a balloon. It was pretty neat. The balloon was heart shaped. You could see inside it, and there was a rose in full bloom inside the balloon.

Leave me comments on what you did for Valentines day. Did you show someone you cared? Did someone show you? http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/valentine/?Page=history

Yep, it's Monday

So, if you read my previous blog, you'll see I was a very tired kiddo on Sunday night. Well, I went to bed at 7:00. That's right 7:00pm. Actually I fell asleep at 6:30 on top of my bed, and woke up at 7:00 to get ready for bed. I woke up at 5:20 this morning wide awake and laid in bed enjoying being lazy until 6:15am. So, after all that sleep you'd think I'd be in this incredibly chipper mood today. Not so. It was drizzly this morning, and it's been cloudy all day. The rain from yesterday and last night has managed to turn our driveway into a mudpit. And that's not an exageration. Our driveway has mud about 8" deep. there isn't a single rock to be found the entire length of drive. So, even though every single back road in IL is paved, my car looks like I went 4 wheeling.

Tonight is bound to be interesting. I'm picking up 5 large pizza's before going home to a gaggle of kids. Yes, I said gaggle. I know that's usually assigned to geese, but I feel as though it's a very accurate descriptor in this case. We're having all the grandkids over for supper tonight, except the youngest. That means 18 kids from 4-17 years old will be at the house. It should prove to be an interesting evening. If I don't post for a few days, it's because I'm recovering.

Last Saturday night we had a singing at Wayne Leman's (Roanoke minister) house. After we were done singing we sat in a circle and "introduced" ourselves, and some of us shared something spiritual in our lives. It ended up starting a wonderful conversation. It took a little while to get going, but some people really opened up their heart. I'm really thankful that Wayne suggested it. After we kind'a split up into smaller groups and got some snacks and stuff, the quote of the night went to, surprise, surprise, Toffee! "Kirby, you were born with a foot shaped mouth!" Amy Hohulin thinks that was the best quote too. www.livejournal.com/users/hohuligan

Another one down

Well...another weekend. I spent some wonderful time with friends. It was a blessing to sing at Timber Ridge.(Home for the Handicapped) We are not here for those people, those people are here for us. There is so much to learn from them, and so often we dismiss them as "useless".

And now it is Sunday afternoon, the KS people took off for home. I'm home alone. And loneliness sets in. But, it's ok. I'm very thankful for the time I've been given with the wonderful Christian friends I have. Our church has such a wonderful blessing in its fellowship.

Robey and Angie are now officially Mr. & Mrs. Robey Schuck (sp?). It was a nice wedding ceremony. Kent Heimer had the service and Tom Hoffman married them.

I'm very very tired. I have been getting behind on sleep for the last week, and it feels as though it's finally caught up to me. I think I'm going to read until I fall asleep.

Lesson Learned

Well, from now on, after I write my blog, and before I click "Publish", I will copy everything I've written just in case the server screws up and doesn't publish it and you lose everything you just typed. Yep, it happened.

I've lost my enthusiam to leave a blog now, but here's the basics of what I HAD written.

1. Bought my parents an anniversary/Christmas present last night while in Bloomington hanging out with my cousin Mike and going to ISU bible study. (on Job) The present was a "nostalgic" stereo. It was a record/cd/radio/tape player that was in a wooden case that looked like an old radio from the 40's.

2. I'm going to sing at Timber Ridge tonight with the Roanoke Young Group. Then we're going to Sarah Hodels apt. in Morton to hang out.

3. I wish the KS people were coming tonight, but I can't say I blame them for not wanting to show up at 1 o'clock in the morning. I'm just really thankful that they're willing to travel out here so often! Thanks guys! I praise God that he's blessed me with such wonderful Christian friends as helps and examples to keep me challenged and growing spiritually!

4. Robey's getting married this weekend to Angie Hodel from Roanoke. (the reason the KS people are coming) Congrats to both of them and praying for God's richest blessings upon their union. May they serve God more effectively together than they could apart.

Well, I just learned another lesson on blogging. You can't "copy" from where you type your blog, only "paste". So hopefully this one post's when I click "publish", and from now on I write my blog in Word and paste it in. :)

Have a wonderful day being a Servant for Christ!

Humor?

I like humor that makes me smile. Readers Digest humor does that, so I thought I'd share some jokes from off of their website.

I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but I thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and gone to heaven when she got my very patient son on the phone. At the end of her long sales pitch, she asked, "Do you mind if we send someone out to give you an estimate?" "Not at all," my son said. "When would be a good time?" "As soon as I dig a basement," he replied.

This is one smart plumber!

Driving on the interstate, I saw a vehicle with the license plate ALT F7. I checked my computer at home, and as I suspected, it was a WordPerfect command. The truck had to belong to a plumber. Who else would choose the command "Flush Right"?


Do you still find humor in life? Can you laugh with your friends or with your spouse? Do you laugh as much as you did 5 years ago? Do you laugh at the same things?

I definitely don't laugh at the same things I did 5 years ago. I was unconverted 5 years go. There are things I used to laugh at that now make my heartache when I see/hear them. It's interesting what makes us laugh. The things we laugh at are very good indicators of what our heart condition is like. Sometimes I'm ashamed at the things I find funny. I might not laugh out loud or even show that I think it's funny. But I can feel it. Don't fix a symptom. Fix the problem. For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Matthew 12:34, Luke 6:45). Don't just keep the mouth from speaking (although that's a step). Ask Christ to help you fix your heart!

Wednesday night of Conviction

Wow...idols. So often we read the old testament and think that idol worship doesn't apply to us at all, since we'd never dream of bowing to a piece of gold. Or would we? What in our mind draws us away from a perfect walk with Christ? That is our idol. For some it may be that clean kitchen floor that someone just got dirty. We allow that to bring up a spring of bad thoughts, angry words, or mean looks. Definitely not Christ like. So...a kitchen floor could be an idol? Well, then what idols have I allowed into my life that make me less like Christ?

Even things that are "good things" can become an idol if they make us less Christ-like. For instance, say I want to get to church on time. That's an honorable thing right? Ok, so in order to do so I'm chewing out my roommate who's running behind, I cut 2 people off in traffic and don't care, and I make it on time. Getting to church made me do things that were very un-Christ-like, so in that instance it was an idol. It seperated me from Christ's love and example.

Another Wednesday night challenge was this. If we had a tape recorder strapped to our shoulder that was recording every word we said this week, and we knew at the end of the week it would be played back to the entire church, would we act/speak differently? I would. I feel like I have a long way to go before I could be comfortable with everyone in church hearing my daily conversations.

Well, I have a lot to work on now! I hope you do to! Please leave your thoughts and be sure to sign them if you don't have a blogspot account. Thanks!

What the Heck

Well, I've always said the best way to deal with peer pressure is to succumb and then it's not really pressure at all any more! So, here I am typing my first blog

Lately I've been working on being gentle. I've recognized for awhile that when I present ideas and opinions that I feel strongly about, I often come across as harsh. I don't feel harsh inside. I just want people to understand my viewpoint and consider it's validity based on God's word. I really do have good intentions most of the time. My spirit is willing to present the truth with all gentleness, but my flesh is so weak. I will often start out gentle, and then as the discussion progresses my impatience will also progress until I find myself at a point I didn't want to be.

So to all those people who have been negatively affected by this flaw of mine, I'm sorry. I pray you can evaluate the thoughts I present base on their own merit and not on my often poor presentation.

If any of you have dealt or are dealing with a similar issue, I would love to hear how you overcame it. Also, any encouraging/chastising scripture would be welcome!